send help

I have spent the last few years segmenting work from life that it is a chore and making the most of my life. Now a crazy opportunity has occurred and I can make the most of it yet I can’t see any answers. This is the ultimate freedom even if the circumstances are  a bit sh*t but well whenever is the right time to take the plunge, dive head first into the ocean of my wildest dreams and…..

When you’re younger the vision of growing up is an exciting adventure. The world is your oyster and you will relish in all it has to offer. Those rose tinted glasses have worn over time haven’t they? In fact are they now clear? The faded hints of pink seeping in on the edges as the fairytale notion disappears. 

I was on the toilet when joshe shouted to me….

“You know babe you just could take this opportunity to do the job you’ve always wanted to do. You know, like what would your dream job be? Use this as the chance to side step instead of trudging up that ladder.”

I contemplated what my dream job is. Sh*t what do I want to be when I grow up? When I was that grubby kneed, bowl cut, tartan dungaree styled  girl what was it I said I wanted to be and why can’t I remember what it was? 

I couldn’t shake this feeling. My goals and ambitions have undergone a recent flux, a conscious effort to shift from career to personal life. Ywet now I have had this career opportunity thrust upon me andI don’t think I can cope with the deep internal reflection and questioning. I sit, conjuring  up images of that little girl and thinking did I do her proud? What does she want? What do I want now? 

Do you ever sit back and have to ask yourself the tough questions and then just bury your head? Well that is pretty much where I am at now. My heart races and my belly aches in its core. I  am emotionally drained like my body tells me i cant cope with comprehending the thought, apparently dogs yawn when they are stressed well from my coccon of a quilt the soft cloud that englufs me muffles my many many expressions of exhaustion. From here I  list allthe ideas I had and then promptly talk myself out of all of them:

  • Baker – early start + gluten intolerant 
  • Coffee shop – there’s a saturated market out there
  • Florist – too cold 
  • Wedding dresser – too many bridezillas
  • Interiors – too costly to invest
  • Writer – I mean have you read my blog?
  • Photographer – I don’t think I am anywhere near good enough 
  • Cat Cuddler – I have looked and I can’t find this job near me..boo

I have spent all my energy focusing on my precious personal life that I am not willing to give it up. I have compromised quite possibly to the point possibly of no return. Maybe I should take this precious time and do the things I enjoy and one of these may blossom isn’t something surprising. Is there a career in  napping because right now I would be working overtime.

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