“Blink and you’ll miss it”
That quote has never felt so real as it does right now. Where has this past year gone? I almost feel guilty for not appreciating it at the time even though I was know I most certainly was. It doesn’t feel like I did it justice despite genuinely being the best year of my life. The escape from the “norm” and the freedom. Now I am home I feel in a daze, like I’m drunk or I’ve been drugged. I would go as far as saying the blues are well and truly hitting me hard with the thought of life in general getting me down. Is this normal? Am I allowed to feel miserable even though I should be on cloud nine after fantastic adventures? Reality is something I have manage to escape for so long that the thought of being an adult and having to get back into a routine has my heart pounding with fear. Despite my legs aching to run back onto a plane I have faced the fact that I am now cemented here. There comes a point where I need to face facts and not run forever. Half of my heartache is not purely because of the fear of normality but the sadness of facing my past demons. I understand life has to move on but with my losses I used travel as an excuse not to grieve. That is me personally and I can’t run forever but the weight of my sadness is putting blinkers on my views of the future. I tried to avoid the upset and it’s catching up because now I have to face up to what home is now and how I can make it through. The fears of moving back home, I mean Jesus Christ I am 27 and I’ve gone back to live with my parents and I have no job! I’ve never been in a position without income and my lifestyle by no means is extravagant but I want to live and enjoy myself. Yes this is mega depressing but it’s also totally normal. I am sacred. I have never been more scared in my life. I constantly have that sinking in my tummy and my anxiety is being a bitch but you know what I wanted to share this. It’s real, it is happening and it is also totally normal. I need to pick my sorry ass up and face the facts that my life has changed drastically whether for the better or worse I am not 100% sure yet but that power is in my hands and to make it good I need to focus and work hard. My time travelling may be over (just for now anyway) but the adventure is my life and I have a new door to open and another area to explore. I will let you know how it goes.