I read an article by Eli Grober recently that really summed up life in lockdown for me personally. Specifically, the hilarity of time which no longer exists and equally that which stretches far beyond its known constraints:
A Minute
A minute used to be sixty seconds long. We thought this could be spiced up. A minute can now either be one hour, or it can take 3.5 seconds. We hope you enjoy this new feature.
A Day
“This is the kind of magazine you keep on your bookshelves with your favourite books.”
— Cece Bell, author of El Deafo
You may remember that a day used to take place over the course of 24 hours. We felt this was too much. A day is now over the moment you first ask yourself, “What time is it?”
It does not matter what time it actually is when you do this. As soon as you ask or think, “What time is it” for the first time that day, even if it is still ten in the morning, it will suddenly be eight at night. Does that make sense?
A Week
A week was once measured over the course of seven days. Our testing showed that this has been way too short, for way too long. So we made a big adjustment: a workweek now takes an entire year. From Monday to Friday, you will feel like it’s been (and you will actually age) an entire year. This is non-negotiable. This brings us to…
A Weekend
A weekend doesn’t exist anymore. You will go to sleep on Friday and you will wake up on Monday with a vague memory that you may have watched an entire TV show (every episode, every season) sometime in the last 48 hours.
A Month
Eight original stories, featuring cinematic, full-color photography from award-winning photographer Holly Andres.
Let’s talk about months. Months used to be pretty inconsistent. Some months were 30 days, some were 31, and one was 28 or 29. This seemed too confusing, so now they are all four days long.
That’s right, every month takes four days. You’ll get to the end of a month and think, “Wow, that felt like it was only four days, which used to be one day shy of a week, but is now just 1/90th of a week, because a week is a year and a month is four days.” And you’ll be right.
A Year
Now, I bet you’re wondering what a year is. Well, I hate to say it, but we’re all wondering what a year is. The guy who was in charge of re-adjusting a year just quit, and he won’t talk to any of us, so your guess is as good as mine. But I think it’s gonna be a pretty long time.
Eli Grober
This really resonated with me and led me to think about things which have captured my attention for longer than my recent concentration span of approximately 1 minute. It’s easy to find yourself in this crazy flux of time. You’re lucky to have ample at the moment andyet what do you do with it?
If you’re reading this like me you’ve given up on a workout every day, baking stupid amounts of sh*t banana bread and cleaning your house from top to bottom. We all thought some miracle would have happened by now, that we’d wake up and it was all a bad dream, but sadly as an unknown amount of lockdown time stretches ahead of us all I wanted to share some little nuggets of interesting things I have come across in the past couple of months in the hope you may find something to fill your time too:
Local community groups on Facebook:
Having moved to Handbridge 6 months ago I thought I knew it all by now, but turns out there is an abundance of like-minded people out there which I haven’t come across yet. So far I have helped distribute sunflowers for my local Handridge Association as part of project sunshine and dropped off/picked up some goodies from the Incredible Edible Handbridge Share Shelf. These little things I would never have come across if I was my usual super busy self!
Growing some greenery:
You have no excuse! No garden, no problem, bring some greenery indoors. I am part of my local plant swap and despite us not physically meeting its a great little place to chat if we have any queries on how to care for our new leaves. There is something so rewarding about seeing life grow thanks to your care and attention and with it being Spring its the perfect time to take it up and sow some seeds.
Wardrobe clear out:
If you haven’t done so already, now is the perfect time to clear out your wardrobe. You can’t drop them off at a charity shop but it is no excuse not to go through and see what you no longer use or in the infamous words of Marie Kondo ‘spark joy’. I have been reading up on the fears local charity shops are having concerning a huge influx of donations when their stores open, so instead you could use your time to list your items on ebay, depop or Facebook marketplace to get money to donate rather than clothes. Not only does it mean youree still helping your local charities but you’re occupied for a few days and your wardrobe is fresh for summer.
Reading material:
Without a doubt, one of the best books I have read in a while is Daisy Jones and the Six. I loved it so much I eleven gave it a separate write up. What I have enjoyed though is not only modern literature but also the classics too, varying my content and ticking them off that list of books you need to read before you die. Choosing the classics also means you can snap them up extremely cheap rather than more recently published pieces. I dig out the vast majority of my reads from the likes of Wordery, World of Books and Book Depository.
Binge-worthy watches:
Find something different to watch instead of reruns of Friends which FYI I have never watched nor will I spent lockdown doing so. I have thoroughly enjoyed The Big Flower Fight on Netflix which you can liken to GBBO but where contestants create stunning floral sculptures of epic proportions using their insane skills. I have also really enjoyed Grayson’s Art Club providing a space of expression in this current situation.
Podcasts worth listening to:
I have been a huge fan of The High Low podcast for some time now and was over the moon when it was brought back from a brief maternity hiatus! My weekly routine revolves around the new release day (it’s a Tuesday as a heads up). With The High Low as the only exception, I tend to dip and dive into other podcasts when the theme piques my interest. With my current job crisis, my usual go-to of How to Fail by Elizabeth Day is a bit too raw and I know that shouldn’t be the case but it is. Despite my personal reasons I still wanted to recommend this as it is an epic discussion of how to overcome failures. For some humorous escapism listen to Dear Joan and Jericha I laugh out loud every time. Imagine it as Ab Fab in audio form and you won’t be disappointed. If you fancy some education then No Such Thing As A Fish is another epic listen and which a backlog of hundreds of episodes you’ll hack some background noise for a good few weeks as well as learning some impressive facts for you office return.
